


Turkey Sandwiches and Other Christmas Miracles

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (spoilers: that's Tony), Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Frigga is a Good Mom, Getting Together, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Lust at First Sight, M/M, Mostly he's in it for the food though, Rough Kissing, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 04:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16885914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: If there’s anything to be learned from the debacle of That One Christmas at the Odinsons', it would be that one should always do their proper research before diving headfirst into an agreement based on familial frustration and turkey sandwiches– because it’s only fun and games until you make a move on your fake boyfriend’s brother.





	Turkey Sandwiches and Other Christmas Miracles

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so first of all, sorry for the Christmas spam, I seem to be on a roll with it this week.  
>   
> Also, full disclaimer. I don’t actually know whether Americans eat turkey for Christmas, since it seems to be a thanksgiving thing over there? But even though it’s bbq all the way for me these days, I still have a strong association between the two so I’m just sticking with it.  
>   
> Thanks to [Raven_Ehtar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Ehtar/pseuds/Raven_Ehtar) for giving this a look over for me!  
> 

Tony met Thor Odinson for the very first time on the 21st of December. Three days later, they were sat side-by-side on a couch, holding hands and sharing eggnog from a single glass.

Love at first sight, Tony supposed.

At least, that was what he told Thor’s mother. The truth, after all, is always far more complicated than that.

He was still not entirely sure how he got roped into it all– only that it was mostly Rhodey’s fault, as always, and that it wouldn’t have happened at all if Tony had simply been able to control his appetite. When they say the Christmas Feast comes back to bite you, people are normally talking about weight gain, not about being personally victimised by your own search for a good turkey sandwich.

Insofar as Tony could tell, it started when Rhodey heard Tony ~~whining~~ _talking_ about how he wasn’t going to be able to get any Christmas turkey this year, since Howard and his Mom were going to Tokyo on a business trip and didn’t want Tony tagging along. He couldn’t cook one for himself, not when he was going to be _by_ himself, and it wasn’t fair to ask Jarvis to take the time away from Ana. They deserved the break. Rhodey probably would have invited him, except his family were going to Australia for the holidays, and even Tony didn’t want to interrupt that. (Plus, a sunny Christmas? Sorry, what?)

But – and this is where Tony’s knowledge of the whole affair begins to get blurred – Rhodey’s friend Carol had a friend named Steve who had heard his football teammate Thor mentioning that he was in need of someone to masquerade as a fake boyfriend. Tony didn’t hear the whole story, just something about parents not listening or waving him off when he tried to come out as bi, and Thor had grown so frustrated that he was simply going to throw it in their faces. And Rhodey, the great mother hen that he was, had decided that they could help each other.

Tony was cool with Thor’s idea– it wasn’t exactly _conventional_ , but he got how annoying parents could be. And, well, Rhodey said that he’d tried some of Thor’s Mom’s cookies, and that they were to die for. If her turkey was of similar calibre, then Tony would be willing to do almost anything to get in on that action. Pretending to be the quarterback’s boyfriend in return would be easy.

So they’d met over coffee, decided they could probably put up with each other for a week, and then were on the road the very next day.

Thor was actually a pretty cool guy. Not Tony’s type at all, which, really, could only be a good thing where fake relationships were concerned, but incredibly friendly and full of energy in a way that reminded Tony of a puppy exploring a brand new park for the very first time. As they drew closer to his childhood home, Thor began pointing things out. He showed Tony the cafe that made the very best muffins, a tree that he had fallen out of and broken an arm (twice), the corner where he had once almost crashed his dad’s car with his dad inside when he got the brake and the accelerator mixed up, and the house his brother had managed to convince most of their middle school into believing was haunted, but which actually belonged to the principal.

Thor’s excitement was kind of cute, and Tony found himself glad that he’d agreed to go along.

And then... well. Thor’s Mom, Frigga, was just exactly as amazing as Rhodey said she would be. She was one of those ladies who just looked _kind_ , who gave out an aura of comfort and brightness.

Her husband was the exact opposite.

Odin was the kind of person who filled an entire room with his presence, but not in the good way. He took up a lot of space and made everyone else seem small, and even if he wasn’t doing it on purpose, it was intimidating.

And between them, they managed to give off a strange combination of helicopter and aloof that had Tony understanding _exactly_ why Thor had decided to take the route that he had.

However. The look on Odin’s face alone when Thor had introduced Tony as his boyfriend was worth more than a little effort.

Frigga, though, paused only for half a second before she swept Tony up in a hug. “Oh, dear, I’m so glad to meet you! I’m thrilled that you were able to spend the holiday with us and Thor.”

“I was promised turkey,” Tony said with complete and utter seriousness. It was, after all, the only reason why he was there.

Frigga smiled like he’d told a joke. “I suppose it’s a good thing I bought a big one, then,” she said, leaning in conspiratorially. “Thor always eats enough to feed an entire family.”

“ _Mother_ ,” Thor whined.

Yes, Tony thought with a grin. This was certainly going to be fun.

~~✽•✽~~

Afternoon tea wasn’t fun. At _all_.

Odin wasn’t unkind, but he was rather overbearing and even more overprotective than Tony’s own father when it came to SO’s– and _that_ was saying something. He asked questions about how old Tony was, how he’d managed to get to be doing a PhD at the age of nineteen, what he aspired to achieve with his life, and, god, _what were his intentions with Thor?_

Tony had to escape for a while. He did his duty and gave Thor an apologetic peck on the cheek, left him the rest of the eggnog, and made a strategic retreat to Thor’s bedroom. It was his hope that he’d be safe for a bit, but it had only been an hour or so before he was interrupted once again. He was in the process of turning one of Thor’s old remote control cars into a working Transformer when Thor stuck his head through the door, and Tony shoved the half finished Autobot under the bed in a near panic, thinking that he probably should have asked before meddling with what might have been a cherished childhood toy.

Thor, though, didn’t seem to notice, his expression bright and excited. He didn’t hesitate before charging into the room and encouraging Tony down the stairs.

“Tony,” said Thor, taking his hand as they stepped into the lounge room. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet. This is Loki.”

And, okay, wow. Robot instantly forgotten, Tony ran his gaze up and down the newcomer.

Loki was freaking _gorgeous_. Tall, dark, and handsome, he pulled off the famous trifecta with far more elegance than anyone Tony had yet had the pleasure of meeting. Dark hair framed high cheekbones and bright green eyes that gleamed with a spark of trouble, and as he caught Tony’s gaze, his lips turned up into a smirk that was as sharp as cut glass.

Tony was already halfway through a charming grin and about to bestow a flattering comment when reality came crashing down around him with the second half of Thor’s introduction.

“Brother, this is Tony, my boyfriend.”

Oh.

 _Right_.

Well, crap.

~~✽•✽~~

Okay, so Tony’s crush on Thor’s brother all got off to a bit of a wobbly start, but Tony is nothing if not persistent.

Actually, this should probably be prefaced with the point that Tony Stark may have a reputation, but never once has he wronged a partner on purpose. Sure, he was slut, but he was not a _cheater_ , no matter what Sunset Bain posted all over Twitter.

He and Thor, though, they were fake dating. _Fake_.

So it shouldn’t have felt weird to be casting furtive glances at Loki during dinner, right?

_Right?!_

It wasn’t even just that Loki looked, well, like _that_. He managed to keep up with Tony in a conversation, and was just as likely to respond to a quip with something intelligent as with something so drenched in sarcasm that it could have blown even Rhodey out of the water. Frigga grinned and brightly exclaimed that she never thought she’d see Loki so matched, and while Tony grinned and uttered his thanks he knew when he was beat. Loki just had a way with words, twisting and moulding them to serve his purpose just as Tony did with metal and code, and it was simply exquisite to watch. Loki seemed so eloquent and graceful and put together, and god, but there was no way anyone could be more Tony’s type if they _tried_ —

Then one of Loki’s mini quiches somehow ended up plastered across Thor’s nose amid admonishments from Odin and a soft, exasperated sigh from Frigga, and Tony thought he might be falling a little bit in love.

~~✽•✽~~

Thor is fucking huge.

And okay, most of the time when Tony says something like that, he means it as a compliment. However, when you have to share a double sized bed with a guy the size of a mountain, things begin to get a little uncomfortable. And it’s not that Tony’s overly averse to sharing a bed with someone platonically– he’d done it a thousand times before with Rhodey, after all, and Thor was definitely a nice enough dude. Definitely counted among friends.

But look.

There’s only so much blanket hogging and flailing limbs claiming an ever increasing portion of the mattress that a man can take.

And, you know, the fact that Thor snored loud enough to wake the dead didn’t help either. Honestly, it was miracle that the house was still standing.

So Tony tried everything he could think of, but Thor was too heavy to shove, too persistent in his hold on the blankets to let them go, and too deep a sleeper to wake. Tony didn’t give up, though– no, he would _never_ , he simply headed down the stairs in search of an alternate solution. Maybe he could scavenge some hot chocolate or something to help knock him out, or maybe he would find some earplugs– or, at the very least, he could snag the throw he’d seen over the back of the couch so he could construct some kind of nest on Thor’s bedroom floor.

But first, the kitchen.

Frigga’s kitchen was honestly a thing of beauty, with marble countertops and shining gold handles. Every available surface was covered with varying pieces of porcelain and glass, set out ready for the preparation of Christmas lunch the next day. But even amidst the flashy new appliances and old-style décor, Tony’s eyes were immediately drawn to the figure leaning against the sink, sipping from a lightly steaming mug and staring at Tony with an arched brow.

“Thor’s snoring a little too loud for you?” Loki asked, though Tony couldn’t decide whether he sounded curious or simply amused.

“Yeah, partly,” Tony muttered his eyes zeroing in on Loki’s mug, the truly heavenly aroma capturing his attention even more than Loki himself. “But also the fact that he feels the need to stake his claim across the entire mattress. Is that coffee?”

Loki’s smirk seemed to hold a little bit of victory amongst the wry amusement. “You know it will not help you sleep.”

“So why’re you drinking it?” Tony asked, his gaze skating back up to meet Loki’s.

“The same reason you’re down here,” Loki replied. “I have become accustomed to sleeping in silence, and that racket coming from across the hall is keeping me up. If I am to be awake, I would prefer to be _properly_ so.”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed. He was all too familiar with _that_ sentiment. “So, coffee?”

Loki chuckled, and gestured at the fancy machine to the left. Thankfully, it wasn’t too dissimilar from the one Tony owned himself, and he was able to fix some of the miraculous stuff in only a few minutes. When he was done, he turned with his prize clutched tightly in two hands and already taking a large swig to find Loki watching him intently.

“What?” Tony asked.

“I suppose you are my brother’s type,” Loki said.

“Oh?” Tony lowered his mug enough to show his grin. “Insanely handsome? Fantastically clever?”

Loki snorted. “Short.”

“Hey, watch it,” Tony said, rolling his eyes and taking another swig before saying, “We can’t all be freakishly tall.”

Rather than rising to the bait, Loki instead simply kept his eyes on Tony over the edge of his mug. The weight of his gaze was burning, and in a matter of moments Tony felt far too warm. Barely resisting the urge to lick his lips, he quirked an eyebrow in an obvious question.

“Just curious,” Loki answered, his voice low. “How long have you and my brother been together?”

Thankfully, that was a question Tony had been asked earlier in the day, so he already had an answer prepared. Despite the coffee rapidly working to wake him up, his brain was still not entirely online– though the reason for that was definitely something other than lack of sleep.

“About a month,” he said, managing to hold Loki’s piercing gaze. “We met through friends at school, hit it off right away.”

“And you’re already sharing a room,” Loki said. Tony tracked his every movement as he pushed away from the sink and stepped toward Tony, pausing when he was only a couple of feet away, close enough for Tony to reach out and touch, if he wanted. (Oh, he wanted.) “That seems rather fast, and yet, you are not accustomed to Thor’s sleeping habits. Surely you have not gone a whole month without sleep, Tony.”

“Yeah, well...” Tony faltered a little, and Loki noticed. He shifted closer, tilting his head in such a way that his partly-open lips were mere inches from Tony’s own. Tony forced himself to take a deep breath, trying to remind himself of the current situation he was caught in. As much as it sucked, he’d made a promise to a friend. “Thor and I are dating,” he said, the words sounding incredibly false even to his own ears. Loki’s smile widened, his lips pulling over his teeth in a wolfish grin, and Tony knew that Loki knew the truth. Revelled in it, even.

“Would you really pick Thor?” Loki asked. “If I offered you everything that I know he isn’t giving you... would you remain with him?” Despite Loki’s show of confidence, there was a touch of insecurity shining through the bravado.

Not that Loki had anything to worry about. Tony should have known he wouldn’t be able to hold on to the charade for long.

_Sorry, Thor._

“Thor’s not my type at all,” Tony admitted, leaning in and pausing only a fraction of an inch shy of pressing their lips together. “I’ll be honest, big blonde footballers don’t really do it for me. I’m definitely more inclined toward the freakishly tall.”

Loki grinned at that, though the want in his gaze overwhelmed the touch of relief.

They were close enough now that he could almost feel Loki’s cool breath ghosting across his cheek, and Tony saw Loki’s eyes darken as he finally gave in to the urge and wet his lips with a single swipe of his tongue. Their mugs clattered and slopped still hot liquid as they were thrust upon the nearest counter but neither took notice, too caught up in their own desire and the desperate need to finally feel some contact.

The kiss was not gentle. Fingers dug into hips and pulled at hair and clothes, teeth nipping and dragging across skin, their lips bruised before they even took their first breath. It was heady and dizzying, all-encompassing and enough to make the rest of the world simply fall away until all Tony could feel was the unrestrained sensation of _Loki._

When Tony bit down hard enough to taste iron on his tongue Loki broke the kiss with a gasp. Then, with his fingers grasping dark hair, Tony leaned down and pressed open-mouthed kisses along the line of Loki’s jaw, biting and sucking and smiling against pale skin as Loki tilted back his head with a gorgeous moan.

Tony grinned and shifted to slide their lips back together again, but Loki wasn’t just going to let that go without a fight – he recovered quickly and pushed back, regaining control with a few disarmingly delicious flicks of his tongue and pressing Tony back against one of the marble countertops. It wasn’t quite the right height to be comfortable, and he reached back with one hand to brace his weight while he allowed himself to fall further into Loki’s embrace—

And then Tony lost his balance as his hand slipped against a casserole dish and the two of them fell to the ground with an almighty clatter, taking a whole pile of crockery with them. Luckily, Tony’s arm swept the porcelain and glass almost entirely over the back of the counter so they weren’t in danger of being cut by sharp edges, but dear lord he was going to be sore in the morning. His head was all right thank god, but ugh, his elbows and butt were going to be bruised for a _week_. However, despite all that, the aches and pains were trivial compared to the fact that Loki was now pressed almost entirely against the length of Tony’s body. Tony knew that they should probably move, that the noise more than likely woke someone up, but with Loki leaning over him like that – cheeks flushed, lips swollen, and hair a mess – he didn’t think he could have moved if a herd of rampaging rhinos decided to storm the kitchen.

Loki seemed to be thinking along the same lines, using his hands to shove at Tony’s shoulders and pin him to the ground, then leaning down to catch Tony’s lower lip between his teeth. Tony arched up into him, aching with the need for more than just Loki’s mouth. His hands slipped below Loki’s shirt and shoved the material to the side, running along the waistband of Loki’s pants and hooking under the edge—

“What is going— Loki? _Tony?_ ”

Loki broke the kiss immediately, his head snapping up to stare at where his brother was standing shocked on the other side of the kitchen counter.

“Thor!” Tony yelped, pushing at Loki’s chest. Loki obliged, and they pulled each other to their feet in moments. As they did, Tony saw to his horror that Thor was not alone. Odin was there, a baseball bat clutched in one hand, and Frigga was beside him, wrapped in a nightgown. Both were staring at the pair in the kitchen with complete and utter disbelief.

When Tony tried to shift to the side, thinking that the way they were still entwined was probably inappropriate, Loki gripped his shoulder all the tighter and wrapped one arm around Tony’s waist. It felt a little bit possessive, but remembering Loki’s insecurity from earlier and noticing how he was now staring defiantly at Thor, it was almost understandable.

Well, okay then. That wasn’t something that Tony felt the need to complain about, at least not in that moment– it was Loki’s family, after all, and Loki’s brother. Tony may have just ruined Thor’s plan and all round been a rather terrible friend, but for all intents and purposes he was just the middle man, here.

At least. That’s what he’d tell himself. He had the feeling he’d be dealing with the fallout of this for a while, if only in teasing from Rhodey once the Odinsons managed to sort everything out.

Speaking of Odinsons, Frigga was the first of the three to regain her wits. “Loki!” she gasped, horrified. She stepped into the kitchen, her hands on her hips. “How could you do this to your brother!”

“Mother,” Thor said, visibly wincing as he tugged on her arm, trying to get her attention. But she was having none of it.

“And you, Tony,” Frigga said, turning to him with fire in her eyes. “I took you for such a nice boy, but to do such a thing to Thor in our home—“

“Mother!” Thor exclaimed.

“Oh, Thor,” said Frigga, turning to him, sympathy washing across her expression. “You deserve better than this. Don’t feel that you need to defend their actions.”

“Listen to your mother, son,” said Odin. “I shall ensure that both Loki and Tony understand _exactly_ what they have done.”

“We did nothing wrong,” Loki snapped. “Tony doesn’t want Thor.”

“Loki,” Frigga said, disappointed. “You know better than that.”

“Actually, there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding,” Tony said, glancing desperately to Thor in a plea for support. “See, I only met Thor three days ago—“

“ _You_ shall not speak to either of my sons again,” Odin snapped, clearly not interested enough to listen. “I don’t care that you have grown close Thor. You have hurt one of my sons by seducing the other, and that is not something that I think any father would be willing to tolerate.”

“Actually,” Loki drawled, “I wouldn’t say _Tony_ was the one doing the seducing.” His expression was carefully blank but a spark in his eye gave away just how much he was enjoying the whole debacle. Tony wished he could muster up that level of calm. As it were, he was just barely avoiding snapping his head back and forth like he was watching a tennis match.

“Do not think that I am done with you,” Odin growled back at his younger son. “You have always enjoyed stirring up trouble, Loki, but to allow yourself to be seduced by your brother’s boyfriend—“

“Tony is _not_ my boyfriend,” Thor exploded. “Will you not just listen to what we are saying! I was not aware that Tony and Loki forged a connection—“

“It was a bit sudden, to be fair,” Tony couldn’t help but add, and despite the seriousness of the situation had to hide a smile when he received identical ‘shut up, Tony’ looks from both brothers for his interruption.

“I am not dating Tony, it was only pretend,” Thor continued, turning back to his parents. “He is my friend, and had every right to pursue Loki if he wished. Though I do wish that he had _asked_ first.”

Tony shrugged apologetically, but Loki merely rolled his eyes. Tony could imagine that Thor was the over-protective kind of older brother. (And wasn’t that just _great?_ )

When both of his parents turned their glares on Thor, Loki’s grin turned positively _gleeful_. Tony might have worried that Loki had actually orchestrated all of this for the chaotic result if not for the hand that remained on his waist, hooked under his shirt. Even as they watched Thor stand up to his parents’ disapproval, Loki’s thumb rubbed soft circles against his bare skin, burning hot and yet comforting all at the same time.

“Why would you do such a thing, Thor?” asked Frigga, frowning. “Why would you lie?”

“I didn’t do it to hurt you, Mother,” said Thor, his eyes wide and pleading. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention at all. But whenever I tried to explain to you that I was bisexual, you just told me that it was a phase, or an experiment. And I thought maybe, if I showed you that I was serious, you would believe me.”

Tony was actually rather proud of Thor. That sort of thing took guts, and he watched wide-eyed as the speech continued.

“This is the way I am,” Thor said, standing tall and tilting up his chin. “I know it’s not an experiment, and even though dating Tony was not real, what I feel _is_ , and it hurts when you try to tell me different. Even when you think you are being kind... I would prefer it if you just take my judgement as the truth. After all, I know myself better than anyone else can.”

Frigga covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes glistening. Odin looked like he didn’t know what to make of the situation, but he certainly didn’t look angry anymore and he’d leaned the baseball bat against the wall during Thor’s speech, which at least seemed like a step in the right direction.

“So,” Loki drawled, taking advantage of the quiet interlude. “Does this mean that I, at least, am forgiven? By all accounts I am the only innocent party in all of this—“

“As if you’ve ever been innocent in your life,” Tony muttered under his breath, and Thor barked a laugh. He, at least, seemed happy with what had occurred between them, despite the fact that his ruse had been discovered as a result.

Not that it seemed the discovery was going to turn into a bad thing, because—

“Oh,” Frigga said then, her eyes bright and watery. “Oh, Thor, my poor boy. I’m so sorry.”

By all accounts, it was a total mess after that. Odin seemed to have gone into a low level of shock, Frigga was crying, Thor was stumbling over his words as he tried to calm her and hug her all at the same time, although through it all his smile remained so wide at her finally accepting who he was that it was more than enough to brighten the whole room.

No one else seemed to notice as Loki impatiently ushered Tony out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into the room that stood opposite that which Tony had previously battled to sleep in. As it turned out, Loki’s bed was no bigger than Thor’s, but Tony didn’t mind. He had the feeling that he wouldn’t be getting much sleep regardless.

And later, even when it turned out that Loki was right and Thor’s snores could be heard from across the hall– even when he discovered that Loki was just as much a blanket hog as his brother– and _even_ _when_ Frigga got distracted by another conversation with Thor the next morning and _burned the turkey_ – Tony still found himself incredibly glad that he had accepted Thor’s invitation. Because even though things hadn’t turned out how he had hoped, Tony thought that maybe they had turned out for the better.

(To be fair, he probably owed Rhodey a thank you for the meddling after all.)


End file.
